It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
