Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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