my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
