I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
