Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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