So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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