I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
