tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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