***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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