Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize