you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
