I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize