Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize