; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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