perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
