Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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