I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
