can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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