When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
