Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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