Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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