you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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