Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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