Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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