Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
