bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
