Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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