There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
