U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
