remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
