i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
