Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
