i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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