Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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