she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
