I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
