saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
