We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
