OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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