garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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