she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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