yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
