I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
not ubering you a puppy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
