My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
