Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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