party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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