You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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