Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize