Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
your room smells of hookers.
And success
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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