when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
