Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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