Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
