I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
smell my finger.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
