i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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