I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
