Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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