now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
