I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
