My underwear smells like fireworks.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize