boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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