he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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