Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
where am i from again
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
