The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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