I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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