if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
