sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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