Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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