but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
